Mr. Roosty The Rappin' Rooster

I'm a 40-year-old rooster --

    a real cock-a-doodle-dooster.

My nickname is Mr. Roosty

    and I'm so bright and toosty.

 

I come from Cal-i-for-ny-aye                       

     -- so hot on any summer day.

I was found on the desert sands

    warily plucked by mom's hands.

 

Rescued from snakey sidewinders             

    (who tend to bite one's back-hinders).

They could have bit her hand, those snakes,

    but she saved me, for goodness sakes.         

 

I have been livin' in a drawer.              

    with my life being kinda poor. 

She had me displayed on a shelf

    so's I don't even knows myself.

 

My momma, she took care of me

    including all her children three.

They was always a'movin' round

    -- stayed in Washington's Puget Sound.          

I asks what the heck would it hurt

    for Roosty to scratch in the dirt?

I like 'ta crow every morning

    'ceptin' I ain't been a'knowing.

 

 I'm really a freak of nature

    'cause I had so much to endure.

I'm a tuber, a growth, a root                   

    lacking feathers to make a suit.

 

I be chasing them older chicks                                          

   but I'm a dried-up desert hicks.

Like ta' catch me some lady gooses

   'ceptin’ they have loosey poop-ses.             

 

I gots mostly real rooster parts
   but without any toes or hearts.

Be fightin' any contender

    who says I am not real splendor.      

 

Sorry you must see me hanging

    by some fishing line a'dangling.

Can not be movin' my tuber legs

    though so many times I have begs.

 

I be so lonesome and so sad,

    I yearns for a life, I must add.

I survived ‘cause I am a roots

    who spend-ded my time next to books.       

   

Really from a Tam-a-rix tree                           

    I say yup, that's the true, true me.

These tuber tree roots have these nodes

   which help shape my D-N-A codes.

 

I jest might be way, way older

    than the 40 years I told yer.

My family is really bushes                               

    (should not tell, I should be shushes).

 

We were brought here by the Spanish            

    and then they upped and they vanished

leaving us to search for the water

    spreading ourselves out for that matter.

 

 Guess I'm just an alien plant                         

    so much like the nasty fire ant,

very dreaded on every scale.

    (oops, that’s way, way too much detail.)           

  

You be a'hearing some rappin'                                                   

    by a rooster who's been tappin'...

hoping to match this timely rhyme 

    by keeping legs and feets in time.

 

I be showing you all my charms

    while I'm stayin' on the farms.  

I really I don't leave smelly poos

   an' that is the gawd-awful trues.

 

I be a'stompin' in the yard
    trying ta' be a rappin' bard.

If you buy me, I'm a great prize

    (sorry I don't have any real eyes).

 

 Roosty's been wantin' to take a chance

    so I've been looking for romance.                 

I wants me a fat fem-fowl

    that will cause my heart to growl.

 

To you Ms. Lamb and to Ms. Egg

    (I didn't forget you Ms. Pig). 

I sayin' I feels right ta' home   

     from my two legs to my coxcomb.  

 

Promise I won't takes too much time

    to finish up this rappin' rhyme.

I am a root that's house-friendly

     wishing my legs could be bendy.

 

On eBay I might soon be listed.

    Better bid, or I be miss-ted.

Ma's asking 'bout $125 thou                    

  so you better use: Buy-It-Now.              

 

Hey, get out your big fat checkbook                                           

    or I’ll be super fast be took.   

You should make humongous offers

    to overfill my momma's coffers.

 

My owner's name is Ms. Lana                
    and she sure is gonna wanna

to make a really big, big sale          
    because I am her holy grail.

   

 Online at RappinRooster.com
      you can visit my website home.

Surely it will blow out your mind

    because I'm the best you will find. 

Iffen' you be a museum,                                                   

    and want Mr. Roosty to come

to be yer center attraction

    then that's a whole 'nother faction!              

 

You private collectors will find

       I am really one-of-a kind,

surely bizarre, unique, so rare

    with people gasping as they stare!

 

  To buy the root known as Roosty

    write down exactly what you see.

email:  roostyroot@gmail

    .com to complete this sale.